Extremely Cryptic but Inciting Title

Random picture from google of the ocean to add aesthetic so you’ll be interested in finding out more. Well, you’re already here, might as well keep reading.

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would YOU date you?

A very popular idea recently is that if someone is for you, they will love you, EXACTLY as you are, flaws and all. This means you expect whoever is supposed to love you, to love you despite your missteps, bad behavior and all other personality commas.

Before you require someone to be with you for all you are, ask yourself this question, would YOU be with you?

So often we ask “God when” instead of “God why not?” You are not the best person you could be. There is so much growth and maturity you must go through. Why would you want someone to have to deal with your half form? Many of us want the cute twitter posts and the baecations in Bali but are you ready to deal with the strain of off camera love? Can you even afford Bali?

Relationships are work. To mold your life and plan your future in accordance to another is not easy. To be willing to admit your faults, speak up for what you deserve, concede even when you don’t want to is not easy.

Sometimes couples can grow together, but in order for that to be feasible, there needs to be a reasonable and solid base.

I for one know I am not perfect. As much as I’d love to have someone to share my life with, I constantly have to ask myself, what do I have to offer? What am I sharing?

Before you go banging on heavens gate asking for your “real one” ask yourself these questions:

Am I emotionally mature and communicative?

Do I have goals and am I working towards those goals?

Is God THE major focus in my life and am I letting him guide my steps?

Am I willing to accept my faults and change my negative traits not for my partner but for myself?

Am I willing to be honest about what I want and not compromise my fundamental principles to make someone else happy?

Am I willing to commit wholeheartedly to one person?

I’m still asking myself these questions and sometimes the answer sadly isn’t always so easy to admit to yourself. However it is important that you are willing to step into the person that is deserving of the love you so desperately crave.

If not, believe me, the both of you will crash and burn.

love is not perfect and neither are you.

now i’ve always been a firm believer in not lowering your standards for a man.

no matter how high maintenance they call you, sometimes you just have to take it I order to find what you want.

that being said i have often times fallen off this wagon.

found myself lost in the sauce of love and emotions.

i’d beat myself for not following the strict principles i so valued simply because I am enamored and wrapped in the love and affection of a man.

i accept things and let things slide simply because i care for another.

acting erratically and out of the narrow box i called my character for love.

i allow others opinions of love to cloud my judgement with shallow points of view

my self comprise could get so bad, that i hurt the ones i love for fear that they will hurt me first.

now that is wrong.

love is not defined by the values you give it.

it can not be defined by the words of others, by their opinions or ideologies about what your love should be.

love is hard and personal. it is deep and unfailing.

love is not perfect, but.

there are some mistakes that can not be erased.

if you have fallen out of the narrow box of love, then build a new one.

leave space for missteps and mistakes.

there will be failure.

but the love will remain.

my lover calls me pretty liar, but at least he thinks im pretty.

pretty liar, why’d you let me down?

your words sweet like the serpents death kiss

your accusations pierce like the lies you spoon fed me.

i am full of your love but in your love there is poison.

you kiss me slowly and take my breath away.

my thoughts and mind belong to you.

and in that kiss you steal my life.

break my trust and consume my heart.

our fairy tale has no happy ending.

because i am the pretty liar,

the poison is me.

none of this is easy.

“Don’t worry you’ll feel better soon”

“I just don’t understand why you can’t see how amazing you are”

“Aren’t you tired of being sad and complaining all the time?”

Yes I am.

I am tired of waking up and doubting my own body.

Doubting my own mind.

I am tired of feeling less than and worthless.

I am tired of feeling like I’m doing to much and at the same time not enough.

I am tired of complaining about how I feel.

But it is how I feel.

What many do not understand is that as much as you are tired of my complaints, I am too.

I don’t want to feel like this.

I don’t want to be this way.

And if I constantly share with you, it is because I trust you with my pain.

I feel dramatic when I complain.

I feel like a burden.

I feel like I am doing way too much.

But I can’t help the way I feel.

Some days I wake up feeling like goddess,

And some days I feel like gum on the bottom of a shoe.

And that is how I feel.

I’m sorry that you are annoyed.

I’m sorry that you are irritated.

But I can’t not be sorry for the way I feel.

Don’t tell me I’m being dramatic.

I already feel like an attention seeker.

When loving someone with depression, make sure you can truly love them.

Make sure you can reassure them everyday.

Make sure you won’t get tired of them complaining about the same thing everyday, because we will.

Make sure you don’t get fed up quickly, because it won’t be easy.

It’s never easy to love someone who does not love themselves.

And some days it will be worth it. Because they will shine like the stars.

But some days it will be dark. They will drag you down to the abyss of their mind.

Please stay with them.

Be the light in their darkness, because they can not see a way out.

And if you are not ready to love someone who is depressed,

As a friend or far more,

Then leave them be.

It is better to have no one, than someone who comes and leaves.

My sadness is not interesting

It is not fun or entertaining

And if you want to stay anyway, I thank you.

Sonder:

The realization that each passerby has a life as vivid and complex as your own.

Oftentimes we allow the conflicts and hardships of our personal lives cloud the beauty of life in itself

The simple fact that you are you and out of 7 billion people in the world, and all the lives you could have lived, this is the one God chose to give you is amazing.

It makes you realize that if God could take the time, to create complexity for 7 billion people’s individual lives, yours must have purpose as well.

Now, the reality of this fact is scary. With so many other people, why is mine special or important?

Appreciate your struggles and the suffering you face, for many have it so much worse.

And that is not to say your struggles are not important, because every problem is valid in its individual right. But realizing the magnitude of life should not make you feel insignificant.

Because of all the lives you could have lived better or worse, God gave you this one. There must be a reason. A purpose.

Now you may struggle to find it, I am still searching vehemently for mine.

But until I find it I’ll keep looking and realizing that this world is so much bigger than just me.

THIS TOO SHALL PASS

Recently, I find myself filling my mind with negative thoughts about my place in life.

Hopelessly wading through my youth without a single idea of how my future will turn out

I have a general idea of where I want to be but absolutely no clue how to get there.

This is what our youth is.

The anxieties of uncertainty can cloud our minds and our judgement, making us make rash and irresponsible decisions, or sometimes, no decisions at all for fear of making an indelible mistake.

It is normal. Very normal to feel lost.

I am not even 21 yet and I am already worried that I won’t make it. Society and it’s unrealistic view of success has flooded my mind and caused me to feel like I may never be successful. Which is in fact false, because I was born to win.

To thrive and grow.

We all have the capability, but we can not let the anxieties of our youth scare and change us. Believe me there is still time.

Speaking of time, timing is also a major thing

To see my mates succeeding in their various fields even unto the field that I want to be in is very hard. Feeling like you’re not where you should be is detrimental to the power that is good timing.

We all grow and advance at different paces, will become different people, and all have different definitions of success. Do not allow someone else’s timeline to affect how you do yours.

And remember to pray. If you do at least. If at nothing else, prayer gives you peace. It lets our maker know that you are here and ready for him to put you in places of success and align your path. I am not the most devout Christian and there is no excuse for that but God’s mercy is the only thing I can hold on to. Even if you feel like you are not worthy, you are. We all are. Worthy of love, of healing and of real true success.

New Years Resolutions.

As 2018 comes to a close and a new horizon shines on 2019, let us take a deeper look at this age-old practice of making New Year’s resolutions.

Now you’ll say you want to start working out, pray more, stop certain bad habits etc. Then suddenly its February and you realize your running shoes have been in your closet since January 8th, the last time you went to church was the first Sunday of the year and your bad habits have suddenly slithered their way back into your life. You want to know why your new year resolutions rarely work out? Because you wait till the new year, every year.

If you want to get something done, do it now. Stop using the new year as a gateway to new things. Because in true reality, it’s never too early or too late to take that first step. The only person you are deceiving is yourself. No one really cares about your New Years goals so don’t post them on Instagram and act like you’re productive. If you’re not really productive and no one ever sees the fruit of your #fitlife posts, you start to look suspiciously like a fraud. Continually set goals for yourself and continually complete them. All throughout the year. Do not convince yourself that you are waiting for a new year to manifest your goals, work towards them today. You’ll achieve them faster if you start earlier anyway.

Oh, and you’re not moving in silence if you constantly talk about how silent you’re moving. You’re actually very loud.