Extremely Cryptic but Inciting Title

Random picture from google of the ocean to add aesthetic so you’ll be interested in finding out more. Well, you’re already here, might as well keep reading.

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i said, i adore you.

I said, i adore you,

& the love you stir in me

My heart dances to the beat of your endearing words,

& your every encouraging melody.

My love, I adore you,

& the joy you bring to me

To chase my darkest clouds away,

& let me know that everything will be more than okay.

Oh dare I say, I adore you,

& the light you shine on me

When the darkness consuming claims my mind & heart

You’re always there, right there with me, to light that spark.

Oh how I adore you,

& the calm you bring to me

When the storms do not cease, 

You never fail to be my peace.

Oh my heart,

       I said, i adore you.

New Years Resolutions.

As 2018 comes to a close and a new horizon shines on 2019, let us take a deeper look at this age-old practice of making New Year’s resolutions.

Now you’ll say you want to start working out, pray more, stop certain bad habits etc. Then suddenly its February and you realize your running shoes have been in your closet since January 8th, the last time you went to church was the first Sunday of the year and your bad habits have suddenly slithered their way back into your life. You want to know why your new year resolutions rarely work out? Because you wait till the new year, every year.

If you want to get something done, do it now. Stop using the new year as a gateway to new things. Because in true reality, it’s never too early or too late to take that first step. The only person you are deceiving is yourself. No one really cares about your New Years goals so don’t post them on Instagram and act like you’re productive. If you’re not really productive and no one ever sees the fruit of your #fitlife posts, you start to look suspiciously like a fraud. Continually set goals for yourself and continually complete them. All throughout the year. Do not convince yourself that you are waiting for a new year to manifest your goals, work towards them today. You’ll achieve them faster if you start earlier anyway.

Oh, and you’re not moving in silence if you constantly talk about how silent you’re moving. You’re actually very loud.

release. (the d&a series)

breathing.

am i breathing?

i think i’m finally breathing.

i think i’ve broken the surface and i’m finally breathing.

as i take an extremely deep breath

and fill my lungs with air,

and exhale with sweet relief,

i thank God that i’m finally breathing.

 

oblivion. (the d&a series)

.

….

..

.

if a heavy soul screams in their hearts darkness and no one hears,

did they ever really scream?

scream.

scream till your lungs are raw and your throat is on fire.

no one will hear you here.

screaming in your own minds abyss and pretending everything is fine.

keep screaming. no one’s going to hear you in there anyway.

in there. locked in there. deep in there.

no one’s going to hear you in there.

or in here. or over there. or anywhere.

so are you even really screaming?

or is the sound of your hearts darkness louder than your screams?

 

manic. (the d&a series)

panic is a deadly disease.

and its funny cause i’m not even crazy.

at least i don’t think so.

cause i don’t know why but my hearts beating fast.

very fast.

like very very fast.

and i need to move.

don’t ask me why i don’t know,

i just do.

i need to move.

i need to work.

work in overdrive.

high gear.

move.

speed.

work.

faster.

harder.

sleep.

no sleep.

no time.

move.

keep moving.

keep breathing.

breathe.

breathe.

breathe.

panic.

drowning. (the d&a series)

i hope and i hope,

and i pray and i pray,

that i don’t drown myself today.

cause the water’s too deep,

and i can’t swim,

and i don’t even know where i could begin.

i hope and i hope,

and i pray and i pray,

that i don’t drown myself today.

in sadness and pity and self-doubt,

and i can’t see the surface,

and i can’t break out.

i hope and i hope,

and i pray, oh Lord please, i pray,

that i don’t drown myself today.

Lucid.

Like living in a waking dream sleep eludes me. And yet, I’m the tragic dance of its elusion, consumes me wholly still.

But if sleep is a dream and life is a nightmare, then why do I wallow still in the limbo of reality?

Slipping in and out of lucid dreams as the monsters from my reality haunt me even in my dream space.

Lying awake in the remnants and aches or memories I never really had.

A life I never really lived.

A love I never really lost.

They say the dreams end when you wake up.

But what if I never do?